Thursday, September 8, 2011
Epiphany in my ecstacy.
My memory is very similar to Dory from "Finding Nemo." However, there is a specific conversation that stuck, one I had while I wasn't sober. Nose bleed seats to a Katy Perry concert and a romantic song later, I was staring into the dilated pupils of my child hood best friend. As Disney princess pictures filled the walls from the worlds largest projector, and the words "when he's the one, I'll come un-done, and my world will stop spinning" filled our ears, I turned to her in all seriousness and asked "is that how you feel about (boyfriends name here)?" She didn't hesitate to put her arm around me and nod be a big "Yes." It was like a light bulb went on for me. I won't tell you about how I almost got on my knees and begged her not to get married after that, because that would ruin my fairy tale. When I'm not being uber cool and heartless, I secretly day dream of a love "like the movies." Katy said it better, cinematic and dramatic with a perfect ending.
I'm almost positive somewhere along middle school I subliminally trained myself to think lasting, romantic, crazy-about-each-other relationships are like unicorns.. "nice to imagine, but not really existent." (Julie Klausner) With all these dysfunctional couples around me, can you blame me? It's then that I got my second tattoo reading "amantes sunt amentes" translating to "lovers are lunatics".. so it was official. I was too cool to fall in love and would point and laugh at anyone who did. A few years later, I have this ink in my skin stating one thing, but thoughts in my head fighting to come out and disagree. What I'm trying to say is that It took me nineteen years to finally understand what someone meant when they said they could be with just one person for *dun dun dun*, the rest of their lives.
Once upon a time, I found myself glancing all googly eyed at the person I was casually dating since middle school. I almost fell off my chair when I realized I couldn't find one flaw in him. Btw, this is what a nightmare on amy street looks like. So, what do I do? In the next 24 hours, I'm acting like a weirdo, not making any sense at all while choking up on excuses on why I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. That was the end of THAT. I know, on a scale from 1 to romantic I am.... an idiot. Let's take a u-turn on corny lane. All in all, after so much time invested in thinking my best friend is a total dweeb for giving her heart out (sorry), I'm going to need a refund on my harsh dating advice. Why, you ask? Because I was the opposite of right. Jokes on me, because truth is I am one big error message when it comes to.... you know the word.